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11th September 2013: The world's gone mad and I'm the only one who knows
30th August 2013: Isn't sarcasm a wonderful thing?
25th August 2013: Operation Yewtree has turned British justice on its head
13th August 2013: Black is white. Fact. End of.
11th August 2013: Why 'human rights' is nothing of the sort ...
11th August 2013: Electric cars, not as green as they're painted?
6th August 2013: How the British nation treats its friends ...
8th July 2013: The BBC biased? How can that be? They're so NICE!
26th June 2013: Think this country is a bastion of freedom and justice and a shining model for the world? Think again.
18th June 2013: Wrinklies unite, you have nothing to lose but your walking frames!
17th June 2013: is the end finally approaching for this evil woman?
31st May 2013: Now it's official - the BBC really is a left-wing propaganda machine
31st May 2013: Those evil bastards are at it again. Yes, you've guessed it - social services!
27th May 2013: Well-known TV presenter talks sense. No good will come of it.
24th May 2013: British justice is best? Only for the very poor, apparently ...
17th May 2013: Some actual FACTS about climate change (for a change) from actual scientists ...
10th May 2013: An article about that poison gas, carbon dioxide, and other scientific facts (not) ...
10th May 2013: We need to see past the sex and look at the crimes: is justice being served?
8th May 2013: So, who would you trust to treat your haemorrhoids, Theresa May?
8th May 2013: Why should citizens in the 21st Century fear the law so much?
30th April 2013: What the GOS says today, the rest of the world realises tomorrow ...
30th April 2013: You couldn't make it up, could you? Luckily you don't need to ...
29th April 2013: a vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE, because THE ABOVE are crap ...
28th April 2013: what goes around, comes around?
19th April 2013: everyone's a victim these days ...
10th April 2013: Thatcher is dead; long live Thatcher!
8th April 2013: Poor people are such a nuisance. Just give them loads of money and they'll go away ...
26th March 2013: Censorship is alive and well and coming for you ...
25th March 2013: Just do your job properly, is that too much to ask?
25th March 2013: So, what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
20th March 2013: Feminists - puritans, hypocrites or just plain stupid?
18th March 2013: How Nazi Germany paved the way for modern governance?
13th March 2013: Time we all grew up and lived in the real world ...
12th March 2013: Hindenburg crash mystery solved? - don't you believe it!
6th March 2013: Is this the real GOS?
5th March 2013: All that's wrong with taxes
25th February 2013: The self-seeking MP who is trying to bring Britain down ...
24th February 2013: Why can't newspapers just tell the truth?
22nd February 2013: Trial by jury - a radical proposal
13th February 2013: A little verse for two very old people ...
6th February 2013: It's not us after all, it's worms
6th February 2013: Now here's a powerful argument FOR gay marriage ...
4th February 2013: There's no such thing as equality because we're not all the same ...
28th January 2013: Global Warming isn't over - IT'S HIDING!
25th January 2013: Global Warmers: mad, bad and dangerous to know ...
25th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
19th January 2013: We STILL haven't got our heads straight about gays ...
16th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
11th January 2013: What it's like being English ...
7th January 2013: Bleat, bleat, if it saves the life of just one child ...
7th January 2013: How best to put it? 'Up yours, Argentina'?
7th January 2013: Chucking even more of other people's money around ...
6th January 2013: Chucking other people's money around ...
30th December 2012: The BBC is just crap, basically ...
30th December 2012: We mourn the passing of a genuine Grumpy Old Sod ...
30th December 2012: How an official body sets out to ruin Christmas ...
16th December 2012: Why should we pardon Alan Turing when he did nothing wrong?
15th December 2012: When will social workers face up to their REAL responsibility?
15th December 2012: Unfair trading by a firm in Bognor Regis ...
14th December 2012: Now the company that sells your data is pretending to act as watchdog ...
7th December 2012: There's a war between cars and bikes, apparently, and  most of us never noticed!
26th November 2012: The bottom line - social workers are just plain stupid ...
20th November 2012: So, David Eyke was right all along, then?
15th November 2012: MPs don't mind dishing it out, but when it's them in the firing line ...
14th November 2012: The BBC has a policy, it seems, about which truths it wants to tell ...
12th November 2012: Big Brother, coming to a school near you ...
9th November 2012: Yet another celebrity who thinks, like Jimmy Saville, that he can behave just as he likes because he's famous ...
5th November 2012: Whose roads are they, anyway? After all, we paid for them ...
7th May 2012: How politicians could end droughts at a stroke if they chose ...
6th May 2012: The BBC, still determined to keep us in a fog of ignorance ...
2nd May 2012: A sense of proportion lacking?
24th April 2012: Told you so, told you so, told you so ...
15th April 2012: Aah, sweet ickle polar bears in danger, aah ...
15th April 2012: An open letter to Anglian Water ...
30th March 2012: Now they want to cure us if we don't believe their lies ...
28th February 2012: Just how useful is a degree? Not very.
27th February 2012: ... so many ways to die ...
15th February 2012: DO go to Jamaica because you definitely WON'T get murdered with a machete. Ms Fox says so ...
31st January 2012: We don't make anything any more
27th January 2012: There's always a word for it, they say, and if there isn't we'll invent one
26th January 2012: Literary criticism on GOS? How posh!
12th December 2011: Plain speaking by a scientist about the global warming fraud
9th December 2011: Who trusts scientists? Apart from the BBC, of course?
7th December 2011: All in all, not a good week for British justice ...
9th November 2011: Well what d'you know, the law really IS a bit of an ass ...


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The Washington Post recently invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winning entries ...


1. CASHTRATION: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to begin with.
4. REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. BOZONE: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. FOREPLOY: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.
7. GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease.
11. KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. DECAFFLON: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. GLIBIDO: All talk and no action.
14. DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. BEELZEBUG: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. CATERPALLOR: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked simply to supply alternative meanings for common words ...

1. COFFEE: The person upon whom one coughs.
2. FLABBERGASTED: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. ABDICATE: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. ESPLANADE: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. WILLY-NILLY: Impotent.
6. NEGLIGENT: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. LYMPH: To walk with a lisp.
8. GARGOYLE: Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. FLATULENCE: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. BALDERDASH: A rapidly receding hairline.
11. TESTICLE: A humorous question on an exam.
12. RECTITUDE: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. POKEMON: A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. OYSTER: A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. FRISBEETARIANISM: The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. CIRCUMVENT: An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The GOS says: Am I being just a teeny bit pedantic when I suggest that “decafflon”, “arachnoleptic fit” and “caterpallor” are not strictly within the rules of the game as they involve the substitution/addition of more than one letter? Or am I missing the point?
Yes, you're probably right. I am.


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