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11th September 2013: The world's gone mad and I'm the only one who knows
13th August 2013: Black is white. Fact. End of.
11th August 2013: Electric cars, not as green as they're painted?
18th June 2013: Wrinklies unite, you have nothing to lose but your walking frames!
17th May 2013: Some actual FACTS about climate change (for a change) from actual scientists ...
10th May 2013: An article about that poison gas, carbon dioxide, and other scientific facts (not) ...
10th May 2013: We need to see past the sex and look at the crimes: is justice being served?
8th May 2013: So, who would you trust to treat your haemorrhoids, Theresa May?
8th May 2013: Why should citizens in the 21st Century fear the law so much?
30th April 2013: What the GOS says today, the rest of the world realises tomorrow ...
30th April 2013: You couldn't make it up, could you? Luckily you don't need to ...
29th April 2013: a vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE, because THE ABOVE are crap ...
28th April 2013: what goes around, comes around?
19th April 2013: everyone's a victim these days ...
10th April 2013: Thatcher is dead; long live Thatcher!
8th April 2013: Poor people are such a nuisance. Just give them loads of money and they'll go away ...
26th March 2013: Censorship is alive and well and coming for you ...
25th March 2013: Just do your job properly, is that too much to ask?
25th March 2013: So, what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
20th March 2013: Feminists - puritans, hypocrites or just plain stupid?
18th March 2013: How Nazi Germany paved the way for modern governance?
13th March 2013: Time we all grew up and lived in the real world ...
12th March 2013: Hindenburg crash mystery solved? - don't you believe it!
6th March 2013: Is this the real GOS?
5th March 2013: All that's wrong with taxes
25th February 2013: The self-seeking MP who is trying to bring Britain down ...
24th February 2013: Why can't newspapers just tell the truth?
22nd February 2013: Trial by jury - a radical proposal
13th February 2013: A little verse for two very old people ...
6th February 2013: It's not us after all, it's worms
6th February 2013: Now here's a powerful argument FOR gay marriage ...
4th February 2013: There's no such thing as equality because we're not all the same ...
28th January 2013: Global Warming isn't over - IT'S HIDING!
25th January 2013: Global Warmers: mad, bad and dangerous to know ...
25th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
19th January 2013: We STILL haven't got our heads straight about gays ...
16th January 2013: Bullying ego-trippers, not animal lovers ...
11th January 2013: What it's like being English ...
7th January 2013: Bleat, bleat, if it saves the life of just one child ...
7th January 2013: How best to put it? 'Up yours, Argentina'?
7th January 2013: Chucking even more of other people's money around ...
6th January 2013: Chucking other people's money around ...
30th December 2012: The BBC is just crap, basically ...
30th December 2012: We mourn the passing of a genuine Grumpy Old Sod ...
30th December 2012: How an official body sets out to ruin Christmas ...
16th December 2012: Why should we pardon Alan Turing when he did nothing wrong?
15th December 2012: When will social workers face up to their REAL responsibility?
15th December 2012: Unfair trading by a firm in Bognor Regis ...
14th December 2012: Now the company that sells your data is pretending to act as watchdog ...
7th December 2012: There's a war between cars and bikes, apparently, and  most of us never noticed!
26th November 2012: The bottom line - social workers are just plain stupid ...
20th November 2012: So, David Eyke was right all along, then?
15th November 2012: MPs don't mind dishing it out, but when it's them in the firing line ...
14th November 2012: The BBC has a policy, it seems, about which truths it wants to tell ...
12th November 2012: Big Brother, coming to a school near you ...
9th November 2012: Yet another celebrity who thinks, like Jimmy Saville, that he can behave just as he likes because he's famous ...
5th November 2012: Whose roads are they, anyway? After all, we paid for them ...
7th May 2012: How politicians could end droughts at a stroke if they chose ...
6th May 2012: The BBC, still determined to keep us in a fog of ignorance ...
2nd May 2012: A sense of proportion lacking?
24th April 2012: Told you so, told you so, told you so ...
15th April 2012: Aah, sweet ickle polar bears in danger, aah ...
15th April 2012: An open letter to Anglian Water ...
30th March 2012: Now they want to cure us if we don't believe their lies ...
28th February 2012: Just how useful is a degree? Not very.
27th February 2012: ... so many ways to die ...
15th February 2012: DO go to Jamaica because you definitely WON'T get murdered with a machete. Ms Fox says so ...
31st January 2012: We don't make anything any more
27th January 2012: There's always a word for it, they say, and if there isn't we'll invent one
26th January 2012: Literary criticism on GOS? How posh!
12th December 2011: Plain speaking by a scientist about the global warming fraud
9th December 2011: Who trusts scientists? Apart from the BBC, of course?
7th December 2011: All in all, not a good week for British justice ...
9th November 2011: Well what d'you know, the law really IS a bit of an ass ...

 

 
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From the good old Torygraph ...
 

 
Teachers will be given new powers to discipline pupils as part of a government plan to restore order in classrooms
by Graeme Paton, Daily Telegraph Education Editor
 
An education white paper being published next week will give school staff the right to confiscate mobile phones, iPods, MP3 players and other electronic gadgets. For the first time, teachers will be able to search pupils for any item they believe troublemakers can use to cause disruption during lessons.
 
The move follows a series of incidents in which pupils have taken photos and videos of teachers then uploaded compromising images on to the internet. Last year, Peter Harvey, a science teacher, attacked a 14-year-old boy after being goaded by students who covertly filmed the episode on a camera phone.
 
Michael Gove, the Education Secretary, warned that the balance of power in schools had shifted in recent years, with teachers “living in fear of breaking the rules while troublemaking students felt the law was on their side”. The reforms, which are designed to tackle bad behaviour, will give staff the power to search pupils for any item, including legal highs, pornography, cigarettes and fireworks.
 
Previously, teachers could only frisk pupils’ clothes and search bags without consent for weapons, drugs, alcohol and stolen goods. The white paper will also set out plans to ...
 
... simplify rules on the use of physical force, giving teachers more powers to remove disruptive children from the classroom without fear of legal action ...
 
... protect teachers from false and malicious allegations made by pupils and parents, giving them anonymity until a case reaches court ...
 
... give head teachers the power to expel pupils from school without the decision being overturned by an independent appeals panel ...
 
... allow teachers to impose “same day” detentions, scrapping rules that require schools to give parents a 24-hour warning ...
 
... introduce rules giving head teachers the ability to punish pupils for bad behaviour outside school.
 
Mr Gove said teachers “had to be respected again”.
 
“Under the last Government’s approach to discipline, heads and teachers lived in fear of breaking the rules while troublemaking students felt the law was on their side,” he said. “We have to stop treating adults like children and children like adults. We will ensure that the balance of power in the classroom changes and teachers are back in charge.”

 
The Telegraph also carried the news that there are plans for pupils to lose marks for using bad grammar and spelling in exams.
 
Mind you, over a year ago the Labour education minister Ed Balls was talking tough, too, when he threatened that parents of disruptive pupils could end up in court.
 
Still, it's all bloody good stuff. Now, Coalition Government, stop talking about it and MAKE IT HAPPEN!
 

 
The GOS says: In the Sunday Times News Review section, Chris Woodhead's column usually consists of questions about education sent in by readers, and the guru's replies. You will no doubt remember Chris Woodhead from the days when he was the first head of Ofsted. He was also the man who began the whole myth that Britain's schools are infested with useless, invulnerable teachers (they aren't: Britain's schools are infested by useless, invulnerable pupils).
 
As an ex-teacher the GOS still, despite his better judgement, reads this column regularly, and this week one of those useless teachers bit back. Well, not “bit” exactly. More like “slightly chewed” ...
 
I am tired of reading questions about “useless teachers”. I prepare thoroughly for every lesson. Most go well, but the behaviour of students in two of my classes is appalling. They enter the class screaming, shouting and throwing things around. However, I am told that the problem is mine and that I have failed to “engage” the students. What are so-called useless teachers to do, when there is no support from their senior management?
 
Woodhead's reply is, sadly, rather typical of the man, and very like the response of the poor teacher's senior managers: just shift the blame to someone else. He writes “Point taken. No teacher can or should be expected to deal with children who refuse to accept the conventions of normal classroom behaviour”. So far, so good.
 
But he goes on “It is the responsibility of senior staff to remove such children from lessons to ensure that teachers can teach, and the children who want to learn can learn”. Which begs the question “So what happens when it's half the class that won't conform?” You can just see the headlines if senior staff of a school excluded 50% of their pupils, can't you?
 
The point here is that the senior staff don't know how to deal with unruly youths any more than their junior teachers. Our namby-pamby approach to education has rendered children totally immune to any sanction, and they know it very well. When you tackle any of the people who complain about discipline in schools and ask them “Well? What would YOU do if you were a teacher?”, their response is usually “I just wouldn't put up with it!”
 
Fine. If anyone who thinks they could go into the classroom and “just not put up with it” would like to contact me, I may still have enough friends in local schools to arrange for them to put their theory into practice. Most of them wouldn't last a morning without either crying or throttling some little sod. Personally I recommend throttling.
 
I should in fairness say that Woodhead's suggestion that Head Teachers need to get out of their offices more, is not totally silly. The two best head teachers I ever worked for had one thing in common: they were both to be seen stalking the corridors of the school at all hours of the day, so that very little escaped their notice. Both their schools ran like clockwork, and were happy places because of it.
 
The GOS' own contribution to the long-running debate about what to do with our troubled schools is this: no one ever mentions that surely the most effective remedy would be to employ thousands more teachers, and outnumber the little bastards. This could at one fell swoop sort out the schools and also provide meaningful employment for asylum seekers, Ukrainian immigrants, veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, criminals on community service, Islamic jihadists and the long-term unemployed.
 
Or we could try cannibalism. It might be quite a strong deterrent to the little thugs in Year 11 if they knew they only had to step out of line once more to earn themselves a place on the menu in the school canteen. Or would that count as junk food? They'd have to be slaughtered halal, of course. I mean, we can't afford to be insensitive.
 

 
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